The past doesn’t have to define the future, right?
What has happened, happened. You can’t change that. Any of it. All you can do is accept it and move on. And no matter what you think of it, it shaped you. You can think you want to go back to a moment in time and change what occurred, but what if it never happened? What if that moment was what brought you to this one? What if it was the thing that made you? Would you change it then? Maybe you hate what happened, but you’re here despite of it, you’re here because of it.
The past is gone, and you can let it define you, or you can let improve you.
I have moments and memories, flashbacks and ghosts; things I would rather forget or go back and change. I can’t, though. And I guess that’s alright. Look, I’m not going to say I loved them, but I’m glad they happened. Most of the time.
I sometimes wish I could go back to when I started university and do it over with what I know, and who I am, now. But, you know the problem with that? I wouldn’t be who I am, or know what I do, without those three years. So, as much as I’d like to do that, how could I? It made me who I am and without it, how could I be here today to wish it? That’s the confusing part about life I suppose. As much as you want to go back and relive certain parts of it with the knowledge you have now, how would you have that knowledge if you hadn’t been through everything exactly the way it happened?
I wish, in particular, I could go back and change my second year. It was hard. That’s an understatement. Truthfully, I don’t think I have ever struggled with anything more than that year. There were its moments. Flashes of great, and fun, and excitement. Ultimately, though, I struggled. No one really knows how much but, fuck that year sucked. Thinking about it though, really thinking about it, I’m not so sure I would change it. That year led to the next one, and I don’t know if I would have been quite so determined and focused the next if it hadn’t of been for the previous one. It wasn’t all bad. There were good moments, good people, good things, good lessons, and that’s life.
I suppose there’s a lesson somewhere in there. A moral to this story. Beauty comes from the pain and all that. Or in my case, confidence I guess. Look, I’m not saying everything in your past spawns some new wonderful thing. Not even close. Some things just suck. Some things serve no other purpose than to come into your life and break your heart. Life, however, doesn’t suck. At least not all the time. There will be sucky times, and there will be beautiful ones. I guess life is learning to strike the balance between the two and learning to live with that. Learning to be okay with it. Life is hard and life is wonderful, and the past is gone but you’re going to kick the future’s ass.
“Can’t you see that you’re living in the past
Maybe this is the time for me to ask
Are you ready to move on?
It’s been too long.
– Jon McLaughlin.
“Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never too late to be brand new.”
– Taylor Swift.
Act like Elsa and let it go. You can’t grab onto the new, if you’re still clinging onto the past.
Until next time